I am trying to use social media and this blog as a force for good, rather than evil which is why I've written this post. Who am I to give advice on how to be happy? No one, really, just someone who has read a lot of self-help books; and we all know that that makes us an expert! ;) And someone who has had a lot of therapy but shh, we won’t talk about that here - I've already spoken about that in my post about depression:
There is no way to give advice without sounding sanctimonious and patronising. But try and suspend your cynicism for a while and have a little read. This is a hodge-podge of tips, recommendations and tried and tested techniques for improvement of mood and general well being.
- Don’t have the T.V on all day as background noise. Watch your favourite programmes but don’t just have the T.V as a backdrop to your life. Note: as more and more of us watch things on our computers, I’m not sure how relevant this tip is! Perhaps we all need to spend more time away from screens, generally! Why? Because electronic screens can be detrimental to your sleep patterns. Because, although social media can often be a force for the good, it can also be a bit alienating sometimes. I’ll give you one example, when you are ‘trying for a baby’ the world and Facebook in particular, seems to be absolutely crammed with pregnant women! You don’t really need to read about that just before bed, do you? Have a one hour embargo before bed. (I really need to follow my own advice here!)
- Get as close to nature as you can - even if it’s just a walk in the local park, it’s good to be around green things. (Especially when you have a hangover)
- Being sociable is good for you - pick up the phone (or text/email/snapchat/facetime). I've been guilty in the past of waiting for the invites to come to me. If you want to see people and socialise then you have to put in a bit of effort. I must admit that fear of rejection hampered me but don’t worry about that. Sometimes, if people say no, it’s not because they don’t want to see you, it’s because they are genuinely busy, (even if it is because they don’t want to see you then it’s their loss ;)) just move on to someone else. (I don’t want that to seem like I view my friends as some kind of bank of people, I'm sure you know what I mean).
- Do some exercise. Yeah, it had to rear its ugly head at some point, didn't it! But, you know, endorphins... human beings built to move... gives you a better sleep (sometimes), blah-di-blah.
- Do something for other people; whether it be a daily act of kindness, voluntary work, fundraising or just helping a neighbour - this has been shown to make people feel happier - FACT! (Again, this is something that I need to do more of myself, as the standing order to Amnesty International, the odd donation to Save the Children and some obscure conservation charity that I signed up to 15 years ago before I was assertive enough to do a body-swerve around the enthusiastic charity conscripters that propagate our shopping centres, isn't enough.)
- Talking about being assertive - Say ‘no’ sometimes; it’s good for you. If you don’t have the time/are exhausted/don’t want to then it’s probably better to decline, rather than let the seething resentment build up in your guts.
- Do something nice for yourself. (I'm beginning to make myself feel a tad queasy now but I must persevere - and so must, you, reader!) Someone I once knew, who may or may not have got herself involved in a cult, used to go around dispensing advice and trying to change all our lives (Lordy! That’s not what I'm doing here, is it!?!) said one thing which resonated with me. When I talked about feeling guilty about buying clothes or anything thing else for myself, she said ‘I don’t feel guilty about buying nice things for myself because it sends a message to yourself that you’re worth it’
Now, you could construe this as an endorsement of capitalism or some kind of bullshit, American sentiment but, if you are someone who has low self-esteem, it can actually be quite helpful. Doing something for yourself doesn't have to involve spending loads of money, it could mean saying ‘no’ to something you don’t want to do - see above, or watching your favourite film (bleurgh, I'm sorry, please bear with) ah, sod it, just go and buy yourself a new top and/or a cake go on - dot it!! (don’t get yourself into debt - go to a charity shop in a posh area - they have nice stuff and have a look at the chocolates/cake in Lidl and Aldi but if you have type 2 diabetes, maybe give the cake a miss!). You could also buy yourself a book, some perfume/aftershave, a record....
Lastly, two that I've cribbed from a previous blog post:
8) Stop comparing yourself to other people
Don’t worry about what they've achieved and you haven’t. Don’t worry about the things that they have in their life that appear to be missing from yours.
Just keep on swimming.
Does that sound all bullshit and touchy-feely? I don’t care.
I don’t mean that you should let go of your aspirations and stop trying - quite the opposite, what I mean is just focus on your own goals and don’t worry about anyone else.
9) Don’t regret the things that you haven’t done.
No point looking back into the past and regretting the travelling you didn't do or the musical instrument you didn't take up - you can’t change anything about the past, all you can do is either plan to do that stuff now, or shelve it and move on.
10) Don’t avoid doing things for fear of what other people might think.
Obviously I'm not talking about murder or incest (or line-dancing) here; rather jobs, courses, travelling, stand-up comedy and the rest of it. Someone I bumped into the other day said that she wouldn't want to do a photography course because it was such a cliché (for who - I'm not sure). What a shame - not to do something you wanted to do because it was a cliché! Who cares! Really?
Anyway; that’s it, I'm done. Have a splendid weekend. See you soon. :D
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