Biscuit Wars

Plain versus fancy

Biscuits: the high point of any work meeting. When an edict was issued at my place of work to say that petty cash could no longer be used to buy biscuits for staff meetings, we took it upon ourselves to take turns in buying our own. [Subtext, any meeting would be unbearable without our little bursts of hydrogenated fat, refined sugar and carbohydrate!] I don’t know why I’m writing about them at a time when I’m trying not to buy or eat them (well, actually, I’ve answered that one, haven’t I - the epitome of food porn!). Have a look at the list and see what you think. I can see that I’ve made some controversial choices for the ‘worst’ list, let me know how you feel.

THE BEST

1. Marks and Spencer: Raspberry Cream sandwich fingers

I never thought I’d find a biscuit that I liked more than the Jam and Cream ring but reader, this is it! It all lies in the light, buttery-ness of the biscuit.

2) The Jaffa Cake

Of course the controversy rages on as to whether this is a biscuit or a cake. (All centring on the fact that a biscuit goes soft when it goes stale, a cake hard - ergo a jaffa cake must be a cake cos it goes hard….) Who cares! I still remember what a jaffa cake used to taste like when we never really had them in our house  and they were a rare treat; the orange bit was like a little slice of sunshine! They don’t have quite the same appeal now, when I can afford to buy them whenever I want them (there is a life lesson on there somewhere), but they are still rather lovely.

3) The good, old-fashioned chocolate digestive.

Lovely with a cup of tea, arguably more of an Autumn/Winter biscuit than a Spring/Summer one. (What do you think about that? Do biscuit have seasons, like drinks? E.g Pimms in Summer??)

4) Fox’s Chunkie cookies

Highly calorific, with chunks of chocolate, a buttery biscuit, what’s not to like!

5) Shortcake

Much nicer if you make it yourself but quite adequate when it comes from a packet - perfect for dipping in tea, Winter and Summer alike.

THE WORST

1) Rich Tea

I ate a lot of these when I was pregnant, in a bid to stem the outrageous tide of  morning sickness. (As they are so dry, they mop up excess moisture. Bread is good for morning sickness too - no wonder pregnancy makes you put on weight!) I guess I should be grateful to them for their nausea-reducing properties alone, but they’re not really very special, are they? Supposedly popular because they maintain their shape after being dunked in a cup of tea but still slightly reminiscent of chewing on wallpaper paste.

2) Fig Roll

This was one that I was asked to add as one of the best biscuits! (As if!) Plus points are that they are relatively low in calorie and high in fibre, but is this really what we look for in a biscuit? I must admit that I used to hate these but now, as my tastes have changed, I don’t loathe them and would eat them if I was stuck on a desert island; where a consignment of fig rolls had washed up on the shore but they will never be my favourite. However, they are certainly not as bad as the next villains on the list:

3) The Ginger Nut

Yuk! If you have them in a biscuit tin, they pollute every single other biscuit in the vicinity.

You either love em or hate em, I think it’s obvious what camp I fall into.

4) The Garibaldi

Squashed fly biscuits. Do you want to be reminded of dead (disease-ridden, germ-carrying) insects when you have your elevenses? No, neither do I.

5) Bourbon Creams

I know I’m going to make myself unpopular, here, but aren’t these ever so slightly bitter? And not in a good way, like dark chocolate. Bitter and a bit claggy. A kind of custard cream in negative, but with none of the custard cream’s simple charm.

P.S The biscuits in the cover photo are homemade ones - lovingly crafted by my friend, Claire. These biscuits were wonderful (even the Bourbon creams) homemade biscuits are the best!