Finding a Voice

I read a piece by Julie Birchill once, where she talked about writing being a way of having a proper, authoritative, grown-up voice. She felt this way because her own speaking voice, she wrote, was so breathy and childlike. Whilst I don’t particularly like my voice. (You know when you hear yourself leaving an answer machine message and you think - who the hell is that? Far too nasal and high in register) I don’t feel that it is particularly girlish or childlike. What I identified with, in the whole finding a voice thing, was that, as someone who was basically shy and found big groups of people difficult, writing was a way of expressing myself - a way of being heard. 

Are you a shy person? Does the word ‘networking’, especially when applied to a work function, fill you with dread? Do you spend too long formulating answers, only to find that in the meantime, the person asking the question has got bored and moved on? Do you have a problem with job interviews? Family functions?

Sometimes I think that in every introvert there resides a massive show-off who is just desperate to break through the restraints of convention and shout - ‘look at me, look at me - I am here!!!’ This is evidenced by the shy actors and performers you come across, giving awkward, sullen-seeming interviews, mumbling into their water and being monosyllabic. Yet, on stage and screen they give effervescent, magnetic performances. They are drawing your eye and attention to them.  They like being centre of attention in the context of a work of art, but not in their real life.

Writers are not that different. The writer wants your attention, even if they go about it in a less direct way, they still crave it. And, arguably, they also want your approval. Even the sardonic, verbal acrobat Will Self (writer) once said in an interview that, with his writing he was no different from the schoolboy, buying sweets for his friends to try and get them to like him. (If that’s really the case then write something a bit more accessible, Will! His sweets would be the equivalent of someone telling you that they had a treat for you, then chucking  a packet of Fishermen’s Friends in your lap; if you’ve never had a Fisherman’s Friend, imagine that someone has taken a ball of earwax, injected tar into it, left it out in the sun to dry then rolled it in soluble aspirin. ;) )

So here I am - have I got your attention? No, don’t scroll through your phone in the meantime. LISTEN.

Just checking.

So, if I'm so shy and reserved and such an introvert, then what am I doing drawing attention to myself by creating a page for my blog? I think I've already answered that question, haven’t I? The introvert who secretly wants to be the centre of attention (did I mention that it was my childhood ambition to become an actor?)

Not just that though. If I do have your attention then I want to tell you something - come closer...I think that I can make us both happier. No, really, I know it’s a bold claim and it sounds like something that Paul (‘I can make you thin’ - no you can’t, Paul!) McKenna might say. I think that I can make us a little bit happier by a joint endeavour to do two things. Just two things; a little start in the whole happiness game. These two things are hardly scientific breakthroughs - you will probably have heard different people saying these things at some time or another, but I want to restate them here and make an attempt to focus on them. So these two things are:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people

Don’t worry about what they've achieved and you haven’t. Don’t worry about the things that they have in their life that appear to be missing from yours.

Just keep on swimming.

Does that sound all bullshit and touchy-feely? I don’t care.

I don’t  mean that you should let go of your aspirations and stop trying - quite the opposite, what I mean is just focus on your own goals and don’t worry about anyone else.

2) Don’t regret the things that you haven’t done.

No point looking back into the past and regretting the travelling you didn't do or the musical instrument you didn't take up - you can’t change anything about the past, all you can do is either plan to do that stuff now, or shelve it and move on.

Now, let’s do that together shall we. (Sorry if that sounds patronising) I need to take my own advice and I think that you might find it beneficial if you did too, dear reader, because, I've really become rather fond of you over the last couple of pages.

Good luck!