Fighting Fit?

Dear Reader, you may think me inconsistent; one minute I’m writing about losing weight, the next about body positivity - which embraces all body types, then back again to getting fit. I’m guessing that it must seem like I’m giving out mixed signals. ‘Pick a stance and stick to it!’ You may well be thinking. We-ell, in this instance I have a concrete reason for wanting to get fit, which has little to do with aesthetics. (It’s in there somewhere, I won’t deny it, but it's not the main reason) Anyway, this time, this time, it’s about health. Long story short: I was getting chest pains, went to the doctor, he couldn’t detect anything wrong but sent me for an E.C.G, that didn’t show anything untoward BUT I went for my over-40 health check (yes, I’m sorry to disillusion you, I know you thought I was 26 but I’m actually 43 :’( ) And the result of the over-40 health check was that, although I was assessed to be at relatively low risk of developing heart problems, both my BMI and cholesterol was found to be too high. So, am officially a fat f*ck. Sorry Bopo-ers, I’ll rephrase that: The NHS evaluation classes me as *inactive and (only just) in the overweight category of the BMI charts.  *Inactive, despite my 10,000 + steps a day!

Enough of the self-pity though, it emerged that I need to do more aerobic exercise - gentle, nature-appreciating strolls are not enough.  I may have mentioned before my hatred of and ineptitude in most organised sports, plus distaste for gyms, so where did that leave me? I was thinking about swimming - sans kids so I can actually swim, as opposed to shivering in the water next to them, when someone suggested an exercise DVD so I duly purchased one. Davina: Fit in 15. The idea behind this one is that everyone, no matter how busy they are (as I tried to type this, my four year old came over and bit my leg - she was pretending to be a zombie) has 15 minutes to spare in their day. And they are right, about the 15 minutes - it doesn't seem like too daunting a time investment . I’ve done the 15 minute cardio section of the DVD twice this week - fitting it in between school drop-offs etc. It’s pretty intense, I haven’t got onto any of the other bits yet - the bits that involve weights (tins of beans) or squats.  But do you know what - I actually enjoyed it!! I know it’s early days but I did experience that endorphin rush that exercise junkies go on about.

Me, running!

I wanted to start a series of pre and post exercise pics - you know the ones; pre exercise, slumped forward, rolls of flesh, hair scraped back, no make-up, miserable face: Post regime; all buff and smooth, hair down and uber glossy, tastefully applied make-up, big smile.

I don’t know if I can do it though. I don’t know about you, and your experience of fitness DVDs, but when I’m doing them and focusing on the people on the screen, with their toned, muscular, inoffensively smooth bods, I imagine myself looking like them - not after a year or reasonable amount of time or anything like that, but instantly, then I’m often disappointed that the exercise hasn’t taken immediate effect! But this is all about health, right? So none of that should matter...

I went out today and got myself some snazzy new trainers and a pair of sports shorts, and we all know that once you’ve got the merchandise, you’re 2 thirds of the way there, right?? The shorts seem to have an unnecessary number of layers; I mean it’s not as if I wear my genitals on the outside of my body or anything , so I don’t really understand the need for the inner layer, but apparently they contain some kinda ‘wicking’  technology to take sweat away from the body (but isn’t the function of sweat to cool the body down, stop it from overheating?) so perhaps I’ll never look back.

Will I be able to maintain the momentum or will I be writing a passive-aggressive piece, a couple of months down the line, about how the BMI charts are shown to be unreliable and we’re all gonna die anyway? Only time will tell.