Flying in the face of...

The last thing I wrote was about trying to embrace ‘body positivity’. I’d really like to adopt the whole ‘good enough’ mantra of the Body positive movement, I feel that it would make life happier. But there is a great disparity between agreeing with something theoretically, and feeling it and really taking it on board, emotionally. It’s very hard to override a lifetime of conditioning, let alone the media onslaught of unhelpful and restrictive beauty ‘ideals’.

Let's a a quick glimpse at The Media. The Media; that big glossy, shiny playground bully, whispering bitchy put-downs in your ear.

Where to even start with it's reach?

Page 3 and the commodification of women’s bodies/Representation: lack of variety in the ethnicities of models, not to mention body sizes*/Fucking articles about celebrities getting their ‘pre-baby’ body back/Fatphobia as the ‘acceptable’ and perfectly legal form of discrimination/The dark, murky corners of the comments sections…

I could go on and on but I feel that I’m preaching to the converted here. We all know about the subtle and not so subtle messages that we’re bombarded with on a daily basis, don’t we? Even if you only read ‘reputable’ newspapers (online) you might still see links to clickbait articles about people who’ve had the temerity to put on weight and/or surrender to the biological ageing process: ‘You won’t berl---eeve what these formerly hot stars look like now!’ That sort of thing.

*It’s testament to how little we see a range of female body types in TV that it was just so groundbreaking to see a ‘normal’ looking naked women in Lena Dunham’s Girls (Lena Dunham herself). If you want to see a greater range of bodies and ethnicities, you might want to watch Orange is the new Black.

The cast of 'Orange is the New Black'

Whilst researching the Body Positivity movement I found this post very helpful, it’s 5 things to do to help you feel more body positive.

http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2016/07/5-simple-things-you-can-do-to-start.html

I was particularly struck by point 5:  Stop any negative talk about other people’s bodies.

This strikes me as being an important step to becoming more accepting of your own body. We are programmed to be highly critical of other women. (see the clickbait ‘You won’t ber-leeve…’ story again.) And if you can’t be neutral, non-judgemental or kind about others, it flicks back in a negative loop onto yourself. That omniscient critical gaze has got its sights on us all. (A wise woman has also told me that it’s a way of transferring your own insecurity onto someone else and, because it’s only temporary, it doesn’t work.) Being judgemental about another woman’s fat arse will not make you feel better about yourself, in the long term.
If that all sounds sanctimonious and preachy, I’ll admit that I do assess other women - strangers, critically, sometimes. Even if I try not to give voice to those feelings, I can’t quite stop thinking them. I went shopping the other day and, with very little time to spare, tried on some clothes from the 'sales' rack. Everything I tried on looked shit and I came away feeling gargantuan and hideous. I then tried to deflect these feelings by negatively assessing the other women I saw. Why was I getting so het up? I thought, wryly, when many of the women I walked past looked like Easter eggs with pony tails? I’m not proud of this. Writing it down makes it look even worse! But what the writer of the article in the link above suggests, is to slightly alter your thinking by saying ‘I’m noticing this…’ to yourself. I’m noticing that that woman is wearing a Minions hair clip’, etc. Rather than giving full negative force to what you were thinking.

In some circles  there is an intellectual denial of the body and its concerns and a person could be perceived to be shallow for worrying about it at all. In a floating head Utopia this would be the case but when women in the public eye are trolled for not being perceived to be attractive, it impacts on women as whole. How ludicrous would have been for David Starkey or Simon Scharma to have been vilified and abused about their appearance in the way that prominent Cambridge historian, Mary Beard, was? Imaging the furore if there had been a front page spread comparing the legs of Jeremy Corbyn, to those of David Cameron? (And of course Jezza would have come off worse)

I feel the need to state that this is not an anti-fitness and health stance, not for me anyway. In fact I kind of feel that if you like and respect your body, you are more likely to treat it with care and respect. I wrote in the past about striving to not pass on any body neuroses or issues around food onto my daughters: http://msmuddles.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/trying-not-to-pass-it-on.html

God knows they are going to be bombarded with enough toxic messages from the outside world as they get older. I feel that we need to give them a solid base of self-esteem and a healthy perspective about body image. The thing is, am I really able to provide those things if I don’t adopt that stance myself?
One of the many pages I follow on Facebook is ‘A Mighty Girl’. Their mission statement is this:

A Mighty Girl is the world’s largest collection of books, movies, and music for parents, teachers, and others dedicated to raising smart, confident, and courageous girls.

One of the books they recommended for fostering self esteem in young girls was this:

I duly purchased the book. The first time I read it to them, the older child said;

‘I like myself!’

And I thought - YEAH!