Tuesday, 28 August 2018

Lost in a good book


My lifelong love affair with Jane Austen began, aged sixteen, when we were set ‘Pride and Prejudice’ for A level English.

Much talk was made, in class, of what constituted a classic and one of the main conclusions was that it had to be something which still felt relevant or at least recognisable, many years later. The universality of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ really spoke to me. What sixteen year old girl wouldn’t have recognised the boy-obsessed, Lydia, with her ebullient spirits and flirtatious manner? Even if you weren’t like that yourself (I wasn’t, not without copious amounts of Bacardi, anyway) chances were that you knew plenty of girls who were. The world of 'Pride and Prejudice' felt at once familiar yet charmingly removed from my own life. The carriages, balls and servants were a world away from a working class, South West London suburb in the early 1990s but I recognised Austen's characters, especially the villains. Pompous, self-aggrandising, Lady Catherine de Burgh, simpering, servile, Mr Collins and uber bitch, Caroline Bingley, they all seemed familiar, if a little exaggerated. Our English teacher took pains to reiterate that if we’d been around at the time the book was set, we’d have been the ones who were up at 5 a.m, making up the fires and sweeping the floors.

Thus she ensured that that the momentary illusion of living through the characters was destroyed. It didn't matter in the long run though, the text still spoke to me. I still recognised that Miss Bingley was constantly trying to undermine our heroine, Elizabeth Bennett, because, in addition to being an inveterate snob, she had her sights set on Mr Darcy and viewed our Lizzie as a rival.

As a teenager, I revelled in the love story at the heart of 'Pride and Prejudice’ and fell for the taciturn, misunderstood and fantastically wealthy, Mr Darcy, however, what I have come to really adore about the book and the rest of Jane Austen’s cannon, is the social observation and the humour. It's this aspect of Austen's writing that endures and that you come to appreciate, more and more, on re-reading of the texts.  The thing about re-reading books is that you get a jolt when you realise that you were younger than that central character when you first read it and now you're probably older than their parents! And yet they endure, they still reach you and touch you and shake you and you might notice something new, even on the 10th re-reading.

What surprised and delighted me about Austen, was that figures who were traditionally supposed to be above reproach, even in late twentieth century Britain, like the clergy and the aristocracy (think the way the media fawns over the royals if you are sceptical on this one), are presented as being ridiculous in her books. Foolish, simpering Mr Collins, who creates the mock dilemma in Lizzy's relationship with her parents, is far from being the only ludicrous vicar in Austen, we also have the risible Mr Elton in 'Emma’. Perhaps Mr Elton is even worse than Mr Collins because he's wilfully cruel, in his treatment of Harriet, and comes with an odious wife, the pretentious and overbearing Mrs Elton. Mrs Elton is one of Austen's bitches (I’m sorry, sisterhood, I can't think of a better word) and every one of her books has one. 'Sense and Sensibility’ has the aptly named Lucy Steele, who is steely of heart (which begs the question why wet fish, Edward Ferrars fell for her in the first place). In 'Northanger Abbey’ the 'bitch’, or perhaps we should say female antagonist, is Isabella Thorpe and in 'Persuasion’ it's Anne’s own sister, Elizabeth. Perhaps 'family’ in Jane Austen are another sacred cow that she lampoons and who furnish her with some of her choicest villains and figures of fun.


Many people are not what they first appear, in Austen's novels. Mr Darcy is not insufferably proud, more socially awkward, Mr Elton isn’t a nice guy but an arsehole with pretensions. Isabella Thorpe and her frat-boy oaf of a brother aren't true friends but opportunistic gold-diggers and Anne Elliot's cousin, William, is an out and out wrong 'un.

I’ve always used books for escapism and feel the need for that more than ever at the moment. To take a respite from the constant hailstorm of news articles - every time I see a headline about the state of the polar ice caps it's like someone has raked through my entrails with a metal claw, a person could do far worse than get lost in a good book. But can Austen do anything other than provide escapism?

I used to get irritated with a colleague of mine and her constant dismissal of Jane Austen, with the words ‘She wrote in the time of the Napoleonic wars and never mentioned them!’ Quite apart from the censorship that Austen and her contemporaries would have been subject to, did she really need to be reporting on the political situation at the time? Maybe her readers welcomed a respite from it.
I watched a programme about what people had got from the works of Austen, over the years. I was utterly charmed by the account of a soldier in the First World War, who recorded in a letter home, that he couldn't wait to get back to his 'Emma’. It provided solace to him in the trenches. This man didn't want to read about war, he was living it. I told my colleague about this but she remained unconvinced. For those of us not living in a war zone do we need an excuse for reading her books? (I don't think we do and hate it when people try to be prescriptive about books) However, I'm going to go back to the universality thing. There's a reason why Jane Bennett is not the heroine of Pride and Prejudice, and Elizabeth Bennett is, Jane is too nice (in the modern sense of the word) and doesn't really have anything to learn. Elizabeth Bennett is slightly flawed, she's quick to judge and credulous when a handsome young man (Wickham) spins her a sob story. Lizzy has to change (her mind) and Darcy has to change (his manners). We go on the journey with them and live through them - they are us. The eponymous heroine of ‘Emma’ is even more flawed than Elizabeth Bennett, and perhaps all the more plausible, to the modern reader, for it. However, Emma has the somewhat censorious figure of Mr Knightley to point out where she's going wrong, whereas Lizzy Bennett learns from her mistakes. Someone once posited the theory that Anne Elliot from Persuasion was suffering from depression, if you see the TV adaptation with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds, Root’s wonderfully nuanced performance seems to bear that out. If it is true that reading makes you more empathetic, you can get much more from Austen than bonnets, corsets and a few laughs.

The reason for all this fangirling is that I’ve just re-read Emma and it's had the effect of all really great books, in that it's momentarily ruined me for other literature. So if I can't read, the next best thing is to write.

Thank you for reading this essay - it's highly subjective and I doubt that it would even earn me a 'D’ for GCSE English but I’ve enjoyed writing it and I hope that it inspires you to read a bit of Austen or better yet throw a ball and invite me to it.

Further reading:

To get a more proletarian view of Pride and Prejudice - Longbourn by Jo Baker, written from the point of view of the servants.
A brilliant article in defence of Jane Austen:

Saturday, 11 August 2018

Not another parenting blog


In all honesty, even I realise that the last blog post was somewhat rambling and disjointed. I haven’t really had the heart to write for a while, for personal reasons, and it was a tad tricky to get back into the swing of things. 
It’s well into the summer holidays now and the other day, after treading on a small but bone-shatteringly painful object for the fifth time in the space of two hours, I began to ruminate on ideas for what I would call a parenting blog, if I had one:


  • Standing on sharp objects.
  • Standing on sharp objects, the sequel.
  • Trying not to Swear.
  • Tissue in the washing machine - woman loses her shit
  • Where do all the odd socks go?

All somewhat mundane, huh? Scrolling through Facebook one night, my husband said to me:
“I get sick of all these parenting blogs.”
“I know.” I replied. “Anyone can write about how shit it is to be a parent.”

Of course it’s not all shit and I adore and am very grateful for my two little shits but being a parent can also be indescribably wearing, emotionally exhausting and somewhat thankless at times. I can see that many of the parenting blogs have sprung up to try and bring some much needed honesty and balance to the equation. Something to redress the ‘motherhood is beautiful’, ‘I don’t even remember the pain of childbirth, I was so grateful to hold my delightful little bundle’, narrative. I’m not saying that many women don’t feel like that - that blissed out, baby bath advert image of motherhood, just that for the section that don’t, it can be deeply distressing to feel that you don’t fit the mould. 

The phrase that a lot of people bandied about, when my first child was a baby, was ‘Everybody else looks like they know what they’re doing’. And it’s true - if you’re in a certain frame of mind, all the other mothers seem so calm and capable, compared to the raggedy mess you feel yourself to be.  I’ve always overthought everything I do and I can’t imagine why I thought motherhood would be any different. I had this bizarre, half-comedic, half-serious fantasy of myself as an earth mother when I was pregnant with the first one. I saw myself multitasking like a demon, answering the door with a baby clamped to one breast, mixing bowl under the other armpit. (Like I would have ever answered the door with my tits out!) I had a relatively easy first pregnancy and I remember saying to my husband that I couldn’t ever imagine my little baby making any noise! The reality of sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and relentless noise sent me teetering to the edge. I spoke to a friend of a friend about a writing project and he said to me; ‘Maybe do some work on it when you have some down time and I remember screaming inside ‘I have NO down time!!’ 

It used to really piss me off, when I was struggling to get pregnant, when women moaned about their children - how much poo they produced, how they fought with their siblings etc, but when I was in the midst of it, I understood. Nothing really prepares you for parenthood and in those early days I remember lying in bed and feeling like I was falling off the world. 
For me, this phase didn’t last too long - around three months, but it would have been helpful to know that other women felt the same. I guess this is where the parenting blogs come in. You need someone to tell it like it is, I just don’t feel like that person should be me.

Perhaps the reason why I don’t write about parenting is the same reason I rarely publish pieces on politics - I don’t feel like enough of an expert. Yes I could tell you about nits and about nappies and about how even the best nappy, much like the best sanitary towel, can only do so much to stem the tidal wave of nature. I could tell you about school gate politics (shudder), bake sales, sports days and concerts but I think you’d probably get bored and I know I would.  Motherhood is great but it’s very healthy to have other things to focus on - I certainly wouldn’t want to apply all my energy into writing about it. 

Let’s face it, there are plenty of women already out there writing brilliant, reassuring and hilarious blogs on parenthood, you definitely don’t need another one from me. 

Monday, 6 August 2018

The misadventures of an ersatz Wellness blogger


I’ve just come back from Cornwall - land of delightful contrasts; of huge crashing waves and calm, peaceful rockpools, of wide, expansive beaches and little coves, of hot days and breezy, misty nights, of crowds followed by peaceful seclusion. I could go on and on, rolling out platitudes but I’ll just leave you with one more image, as we drove over the border from Cornwall to Devon, we encountered a marvellous cloak of mist. I’m not a great fan of unflinchingly hot days so this styrofoam blanket of puffy whiteness gladdened my heart. Tall green trees and assertive pink rushes soaked in bubble bath over undulating hills. This is the England I remember from childhood holidays, I thought, with proper weather. ‘It looks like Scandinavia’, my husband remarked…It was a wrench to come back to the outskirts of the city. As I’ve said, I detest the heat but have sort of learn to tolerate it - investing in shapeless linen garments and drinking enough water to sink a ship, loitering in air-conditioned shops.




At the height of the heatwave, I had a moment of clarity.  I’ll just set the scene. It had been a particularly vile, hot and sticky day, it was the sort of weather which makes it impossible to be elegant, as one of the characters remarks in Emma.  Walking to the shops in the direct sunlight felt like being seared under a magnifying glass by a malevolent Greek God. When the sun went behind a cloud it was like walking through hot soup. I tried on some swimwear in a (blissfully air-conditioned) shop and when I removed my own clothes they were sodden with sweat. I felt guilty about transferring any bodily emissions onto the ill-fitting tankini top I was trying on, then I thought about all the other sweaty torsos that  might have squashed themselves into the same swimwear and I felt rather queasy. It seemed like an unending period of unremitting discomfort. However, later on, in the evening, after the kids had gone to bed, and I had my second shower of the day, I felt something approaching ease.  I sat, sipping a cup of camomile tea and nibbling on some grapes while the fan gently lifted damp strands of my freshly washed hair. It was the first time that day that I'd felt fresh and clean. If it wasn’t for the fact that my body looked like a set of bagpipes, I’d feel like one of those ‘Wellness’ bloggers, I noted. But maybe what the world needs is a ‘Wellness’ blogger who doesn’t look like a shaving of blonde wood, maybe there’s a gap in the market for one who looks more like an ancient fertility goddess…


Back to the heatwave, the next day it finally rained and it was oh so welcome. One of my teachers once told us that rain literally plucked the dust from the air and that was why the air smelled cleaner after a rain shower. Botanist James Wong tweeted the following fact about the smell in the air, after the rain:


So there it was, I had my first topic as a wellness blogger - smells! I’ve been wanting to write about happy smells for some time and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. When I opened the bathroom cabinet the other day I got a pleasant waft from the stash of Body Shop soaps  - pleasant, clean, citrousy smells. Dare I say - mood enhancing smells. My other half and I once had a debate about the fact that he said that the orange I was eating ‘stank’. And I said surely the word stink should only apply to something with an unpleasant smell, not something as wholesome as an orange. Of course it’s all relative, but an orange has a lovely, happy smell - sharp yet sweet. An orange is the embodiment of sunshine and hope, just as a broad bean is the physical manifestation of a disappointment and flatulence. 




Is there such a thing as a mood enhancing smell? Some claim that there is. 
https://www.psychologies.co.uk/boost-your-mood-happy-scents
Wood shaving-shaped wellness bloggers probably believe in them. Years ago someone bought my friend a candle which looked like the wax had been placed in a hollowed out orange. It smelled beautiful and claimed to give off an 'uplifting’ aroma. Closer investigation showed that it was a bergamot rather than an orange. (Bergamots are what they flavour Earl grey tea with which I've tried to like but can't). The point is though that bergamots are citrus fruit and thus related to oranges (this post really should have been called - ‘All hail the mighty orange’!)  And guess what seems to be on every list of mood enhancing smells - citrus, apparently citrus makes you feel more alert. So perhaps I ought to carry a Body Shop orange soap around in my handbag and sniff it during meetings.

Happy smells:

Fir trees/Christmas trees
Bonfires
Wood chips
Ozone - seaside (Do smells have seasons?)
Roses (real not in perfume)
Lavender (please see above)  
Floral smells seem to be very subjective - perhaps due to the emotional memories associated with lilies etc.

Can smells be comforting? Soup, bread, lavender?

As you can probably see, I’m out of practice with the blogging and this is all a bit rambly. What does this all have to do with eating grapes and drinking camomile tea?? I don’t really know, but if I am going to be a Wellness blogger then I’d better toddle off and do some power yoga or something.


Now SHE looks like a 'Wellness' blogger!