Trying not to pass it on

As soon as my daughter was born I made a mental pact to try not to pass any body neuroses on to her. I wanted our house to be a ‘diet free’ zone where nobody talked about weight and where nobody ever said: “ooh, I've been really ‘bad’ today; I've eaten so much!”

Of course, this was slightly naive as I couldn’t control what anybody else said around her and a depressingly large number of conversations seem to centre around this issue (and here I am - writing about it again!).  But we still try to conceal any preoccupation with weight and  associated issues in our house.This leads to some very bizarre conversations. Things along the lines of:

“Does this make me look F.A.T?”

Or

“How many C.A.Ls does this have?”

Or even, on one occasion

“Does this make my T.1.Ts look massive?” (This is not a desirable thing. And, yes, a number 1 is used to conceal the ‘i’, sophisticated subterfuge, eh?)

All of this spelling out is far less effective now that the older one is learning to read!

We’ll have to work out a new code, start asking the questions in Spanish or something -

“¿Si esto me hace ver gordo?”

“Si, muy gordo!”

Or stop asking altogether. It’s not always me, asking the questions, by the way, although predominantly  me, I suppose. And the answer to that first, loaded question is never, ever ‘yes’. We have an unspoken contract that the other person (usually him) never says - “Yes, actually, those new culottes make you look colossal!” Why bother asking, then? Just for a bit of (meaningless) reassurance, I guess. Also, you learn to rely more on facial expressions than actual words, to gauge whether something is horrendously unflattering.

“I try not to talk about weight in front of my children.”

I once told someone, rather sanctimoniously. “They’ll still notice, though.” They replied. “It’s surprising what they pick up.”

It’s not like I’m trying to make them fat or anything, although I do want them to know that it is not the worst thing in the world to be overweight. But I think that the more you obsess about weight, the fatter it seems to make you. You know, in the same way that diets make you fat, thinking and talking about it the whole time also makes you fat!  (Joan Collins always said that you never see a thin person drinking Diet Coke and she’s right!) I realise that we are in the middle of an obesity epidemic right now but I think this is partly down to the fact that we have such a f*cked up attitude to food. I really try not to offer food as a reward to my children or as an inducement to do something. I don’t encourage them to clear their plates and I think that this message is sinking in as, when we were out at lunch the other day, the older daughter told the younger one, ‘no, it’s all right, you don’t have to eat everything.’ The amount of food that ends up in the green food waste bin is testament to this. (Although I have to admit that I did find myself telling them that they couldn’t have any pudding as they hadn’t eaten any of their vegetables the other day). No, they have far less trouble wasting food than their mother does.

Anyway, I digress, the point is that I’m trying to foster a healthy attitude towards food and body image but how do you get the balance right? How do you convey that food is fuel but can also be enjoyed as part of a social experience? But that it is just food, not a form of entertainment, comfort, distraction or approval? That it’s good to exercise for your health rather than your hip circumference?

I’m sorry to bore on about this but I really need an answer before I can move on and start writing about biscuits again...